January 2012

Before I had to go back to work I wanted to make sure that all of my doctors appointments were taken care of and out of the way.

Jan 4th- Follow up with Dr. Kamelle, re checked the infection and first appointment in the process of now being on surveillance. Which means from this day forward I get to see my GYN Oncologist every 3 months for the next 2 years, after that if I am still doing well I will be graduated to every 6 months for a few years and then 1 time per year for the rest of my life.... that sure seems like a long time.... I will never again have just a GYN, I will always have a GYN Oncologist. First time I ever said these words to a friend they thought I was wrong and tries to correct me... they thought that I meant to say just gynecologist...nope i meant what I said gynecologist oncologist.

At this appointment I explained to Dr. Kamelle that something wasn't right with my mood and I wasn't sure what it was but all I do is cry all the time. I was referred to Dr. Julie Bryson a Cancer Counseling Specialist. 

Jan 5th- Got my Dentist appointment out of the way

January 18th- I went back to work for the first time since before the surgery. It was a hard and emotional day for me. But it was nice to be back and have a reason other than doctor appointments to leave the house. Everyone was very was really good to me. It was nice to be back to work and be back in a routine.

January 20th- I saw Dr. Julie Bryson for the first time. I have been having uncontrollable mood changes, my emotions have been all over the map, I cry at the drop of a hat and have no idea why... well I have some idea why but there is so much more to it than just that....

Journal Entry in my Diary.....

Jan 20th, 2012

It's 00:30 and I see the cancer counselor in a few hours @ 0930.
I just wanted to write down a few things that I wanted to talk about.
-The choice to have a child of my own taken by cancer. -Dreaming about a baby - could this be a deal breaker in a relationship. - This all went by so quickly it's been hard to process all of it. - Cancer diagnosis - surgery and recovery - already back to work - Some days I can't stop crying and thinking about everything that has happened in the last 2 months
11/6/2011 -D&C
11/21/2011- cancer diagnosis
12/2/2011 - hystorectomy
 - I feel like people may think it doesn't matter because now the cancer is gone. -Recovery has been hard painful and emotional. - I still have a long road ahead of being watched. I will have to see my oncologist the rest of my life because of this. - if it wasn't for Dr. Kamelle and his staff I wouldn't have made it through this in the same way. -  may look/ seem on the outside like I'm ok and can handle this but in my head I'm not ok. - that's why i cry- it's always been a tough it out kinda of situation for me, don't ever let them see you cry or fail.  - be strong you can do this - the stable one/ hide your pain/ just get through it. - Someone else always has it worse. - My problem isn't even close to other peoples problems. - lack of support from those that, emotionally I need them there. 

It's been a lot of crying over the last few months and I wish I could control it...

End of January I moved from my apartment on the 4th floor and moved into a 2 bedroom apartment on the first floor. My sister Amanda moved in with me.